A Child Could do a Better Job at this

Hello America,

Matt Topolski here. The purpose of my blog is fairly straightforward, the producers of my television show forced me to do it. I'm not one for the blogging community because personally, I do all my blogging on Facebook. In fact I probably spend more time living inside the Facebook world or as I call it, "The Facetrix"; than I do living in the "real world". I sat down with agent Smith about 5 years ago upon the creation of this alternate universe and I told him over a steak dinner that I wanted my body inserted into the facetrix. He asked what I wanted to be, and I said; "I want to be someone important. Like a TV Show Host."

I do work in a normal job outside of my ambitions to entertain the masses, and at said job I wear a button-down shirt and tie. On my feet, I wear flip-flops. Why? Because flops from Old Navy are 2 for $5! And because no one should take themselves so seriously to think flops on the bottom and mad men on top isn't a style that appeals to all that are cool. Come on folks, its the 10's!

I have an impetuous nature for bloviating (in case one has not noticed) and I have a small group of friends because most of the others that knew me could not stomach the length of time I would speak for. I will admit I have my soapbox moments, and if you've gotten to the end of this first post then I'd like to thank you for being a friend, because you just sat through one of them.

A child could do a better job at this than I could, but most children can't reach the keyboard until the age of 3 so you're stuck with this. I BLOG now because my producers insist. I hope you'll call, write and email telling them to stop me! I just want to go back to the facetrix. I just want them to reinsert my body.

Welcome to the circus.

~ Signed Your Favorite American

Matthew P. Topolski
(government issue name)